I don’t think I know how to have fun anymore. Sometime after my college graduation, the world changed me. There was a time when my dreams and aspirations were enough. Building my business brought me the kind of joy that kept me working until sunrise. It gave me the power to create a unique vision of what my future could be and a passion for figuring out how to get there. As my early twenties became my mid-twenties, corporate happy hours and bottomless mimosas replaced that joy. Numbness became a survival mechanism. This is the black millennial condition.
When I started my business in the fall of 2016, the goal was to rebel. Corporate culture had already shown me it’s teeth and I wanted out. I learned early on that I had to create my own opportunities to learn, grow, earn, and love. It was either that or work as an underpaid receptionist until someone threw me a bone later in my twenties. That’s IF someone threw me a bone later in my twenties. That knowledge helped me empower myself. I removed the haze, but a new bondage emerged. Rearranging myself to fit in corporate spaces was no longer an option. Sallie Mae didn’t give a fuck about me or my discovery. The one thing in this world that I love, developing my business, stopped being a journey I was allowed to enjoy. Desperation took the lead, distancing myself from the joy of being an emerging visual artist and storyteller. A fear fueled me instead of passion. Fun wasn’t something we stop knowing how to have. We just treat ourselves like we don’t deserve that joy.
Today, I’m writing, reading, and creating for my health for the first time in what feels like forever. You should too. Your goals require every part of you, not just the industrious scrappy parts of you. Tethering your success to what you think it’s supposed to look like is limiting– restraining you from the glory the Universe has for you. Make a choice to create time to enjoy yourself. Create for fun and function. Your path requires an emotional openness that no open bar can give you. Suffering has no merit. Numbness cannot give birth to the art, products, or apps that will move the needle. Only you, without the alcoholic edits, can do that. Joy, or the pursuit of it, isn’t optional. You deserve happiness no matter where you are on your journey. You are just as worthy of the ups as you are of the downs. Much Love. Fin.