Searching for Peace

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I’ve been out of sorts and this month’s retrograde has nothing to do with it. Life as a person in their mid to late twenties is an extreme sport few of us feel qualified to handle.  It feels like a shitty game of hide and go seek and you’re always the seeker. The worst part is that you can’t find anyone playing with you. In fact, you’re the kid who still seeking when the rest of your classmates quit hours ago. You look and feel stupid. 

Well, my classmates are joy. Different kinds. Different relationships. Different hopes. Reality comes at you fast. All of the things that made me feel sane vanished in a matter of weeks this summer. It started when my best friend was deployed to “serve” our country.  It got worse when against all my efforts, I was forced to cut a family member out of my life. Then things really exploded when my favorite crutch disappeared. It’s like the heavens are pissing on me these days. My old friend, depression, is here to visit again. 

I thought I put my mental health problems away months ago. I came to this very platform to declare that I deserved joy and I believed that. Wasn’t that supposed to be the end of my struggles? Nah. Absolutely not. When joy appears–it is a gift. Only the nieve expect it to be the center of each day. Joy can be disrupted. It can be stolen. Peace, however, is a space you create for yourself to survive each day. You deserve real peace, but it will cost you. You will have to pull your head out of the fog of shitty coping mechanisms. The pursuit will force you to abandon the false hopes you’ve used to keep yourself from falling apart. You’ll have to start shopping for a therapist. Like, real bad yall. 

But you know what? It’ll be worth it. 

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